15 week miracle course

[Annbros]

We certainly made some progress this week in my call although I have to admit I am getting sooo frustrated that my manifestation groove comes and goes in relation to money and that is from focusing on the wrong things. Thank goodness Erika is a) Very patient and b) Such an excellent coach.

So a quick check in here to tell you about my lawnmower: We have a tiny patch of grass outside the front of this house and my massage therapist has a lot of lawn, so I said she could have my lawnmower as it would be so much more useful for her, and I could always borrow a friend's strimmer (I am cutting down on clutter all the time now) or even do it with garden shears. Then, the other day one of my neighbours knocked on the door and said he always cut the patch of grass for the previous owner, so would I like him to carry on doing so and I gratefully said 'Yes'. Hence my generosity led to the Universe giving me an even better solution than the one I thought would work. Fabulous.

[Annbros]

This morning I came downstairs to find that someone had stolen a beautiful blue plant pot full of primroses from my front doorstep. My neighbour's pots were fine and she said she had never known it happen in the four years these houses have stood. Interesting. I'm wondering if this is an opportunity to blast through my money fears and go out and buy another one (ego excuses revolve around leaving my mum on her own for up to an hour etc to go to the shop to buy an identical one).

It was interesting to feel the emotions that ran through me: disbelief, confusion, annoyance, anger, fear that it might happen again, more confusion and now calmness.

On a more positive note, I went to dinner with a friend last night and, we have developed this pattern of arguing, so I took all my learning from NVC and my calls with Erika and just stopped expecting him to come over to my point of view. Either I didn't react or I said 'Well that's a possibility' or something similar. Half way through the evening he commented we had yet to argue and I left without any arguments at all. He popped in this morning to use my internet as his is down, and made a comment that irked me, I snapped back once and then remembered and let it go; again no more fraught exchanges, so another good result!!!

[Erika Awakening]

Hi Ann,

You're developing a wonderful new consciousness that turns everything into an opportunity.

So about the flower pot ... a few years ago, my skis were stolen. It was a very "strange" event, as I had been talking to a very negative energy guy who was talking about such mishaps at the time they were stolen. Something that really just does not happen to me. I even had my wallet returned to me with all the money a few years ago.

Well, it's another case of "always look for the miracle," as I did when my car got hit twice in one week (http://spiritualseduction.com/brand-new-car). It turned out the skis except for $100 were covered by my renters insurance. And when I went back to the ski shop, it also turned out that the skis I had were too "intermediate level" for me. I got a more advanced pair and they have been FAR better for skiing. Most likely had the improper skis not been stolen, I would have skied on them for years never realizing I needed a more advanced pair ...

So the moral of the story is ... always look for the miracle in every seeming "mishap" ...

[elaineenlightening]

I love that wording...look for the miracle and not the seeming mishap. How true that is and how foreign it can feel to us when we actually chose to live the change in perception.

I love the stories you ladies shared about the stolen flower pot and the skis.

Along the lines of your story, Ann, about letting go of defensiveness, I will share my experience of yesterday:

My son was really upset with me and so I calmly gave him the empathy he needed, NVC style. In the end, he just wanted to be angry at me even though he understood my needs and feelings and I understood his and he realized that it wasn't a matter of anyone having done anything wrong. I just sat there, likely for the first time ever, and allowed him the space to be angry and didn't take it personally or get defensive, at all. This was a nice breakthrough, as I have set the intention to learn to be the calm in the eye of the storm 3 years ago at Warrior camp and just now experienced it first hand in the most complete way ever. I could feel how true love is total acceptance. It felt foreign to sit there and hold this space for him, with no resentment or guilt, but it also felt so freeing and wonderful

[Annbros]

Thank you Erika and Elaine, great to hear your experiences and learn from them too.

Today I went out and bought the replacement pot (not the same as the one I had originally, but very close) plus more potting compost and two lovely packs of violas (one in purple which of course is the colour of wealth!). I had time to do this after my zumba workshop, while the carer was with my mum (funnily enough I had booked in an extra half hour in case the workshop overran and it finished on time thus giving me the chance to go to the store which was nearby to where I was doing the workshop) and that saved me an extra 25 mile round trip tomorrow!

I planted them up in that, another blue pot a friend has given me as a housewarming present, and two more plastic pots: oh and everything today was 15% off in the store!

My neighbours are all horrified at what happened and I am sure they are keeping an eye out for any opportunistic passers-by. The new flowers are going to look absolutely lovely as they grow.

[Annbros]

Erika gave me a challenge today related to becoming more fearless. The area where my fearlessness deserts me is money. I have this belief that is so deeply ingrained it is driving me nuts: namely that when it comes to money I have to do it all by myself to show how strong and independent I am. No one is allowed to help me, or if they do it must be a one-off or I must pay them back. My brother has said I can ask him if I need anymore money while looking after my mum, but this is so hard for me: my throat clams up just thinking about it. I know if I were in his shoes I would be happy to help, so why I am so 'special' that I won't ask is really beginning to piss me off. Actually it's not even that, it is the sheer pain and humiliation I feel in asking, something around begging and charity...

Time to make another list I think - I'll post it later!

[Erika Awakening]

Hi Ann,

Yes I feel you. Today I went scuba diving for the first time in eight years. Even back then it scared the crap out of me, and today after no diving for eight years it was so intense.

But you know we have two choices, we can let the fear rule us, or we can say, "I simply will not be controlled by this fear, and I'm going diving anyway." There's your metaphor One key thing is not to expect all the fear to get cleared before you do it, you can clear as much as you can but eventually you just gotta move forward and then clear what comes up afterward ... Looking forward to you putting this into action, because I know you can do it, and I know you are going to breathe a big sigh of relief like I did when the fear is no longer controlling you.

cheers,
Erika

[Annbros]

Yes, Erika, you make an excellent point and it won't be as bad once I do it!

Here is the list I promised:

1. I have to solve all my money issues myself or else I am a failure
2. Asking for help is a sign of weakness (at least when it comes to money)
3. Relying on other people for help is pathetic
4. Asking for help is humiliating
5. People will judge me and think less of me
6. They will think I am incompetent
7. I will have to share/explain my past actions
8. At my age I should be sorted financially
9. I must have done something really bad in the past to have this happen to me
10. If I have always been successful financially in the past, what have I done to change this now?
11. Why is my manifesting of money so erratic - feast or famine?
12. It seems as if the 'bad guys' often have the most money
13. I'm tending to associate money with my self-worth
14. I don't like appearing 'needy'
15. I'll have to justify my past actions

And as to the diving - well once again, there is no such thing as a coincidence! Great metaphor for me today

I should also say that my brother is very willing to help me: it is all my stuff that is stopping me and it is the asking that is my sticking point. I feel as if I am in 'Oliver Twist' and have no power. Hmmm that is an interesting revelation...

[Annbros]

I've been working on forgiveness (others and myself) and becoming more aware of how I react to what other people say and what in me is causing that. It is fascinating and I am so much calmer.

I then had a test to put this into action when I discovered my mum had a weepy sore patch of skin under one of her boobs. I had missed this as I usually sit on the other side to dress her and when she is in the bath. She is meticulous about drying herself so I tend to let her get on with it. I was frustrated and confused that I had missed it (although I had been concentrating on the skin on her legs and keeping that in good nick) when I first realised and then I decided this was a really good test of forgiving myself for not being the perfect carer. It certainly saved me a lot of angst and mental torture.

When I took her to see the Dr today she made it quite clear that she didn't 'blame' me for what was going on with my mum, so my compassion with myself also showed up in the way the Dr spoke to me. I'm doing so much learning on this course, I already feel like a different person.

[Annbros]

I seem to have 'lost' my road rage! For some reason, put me in my car and my sarcasm and swearing goes into overdrive and yet now, I'm not reacting at all. I just say 'Hmmm that's interesting'.

It's also working in other areas: today at Zumba we had a different instructor who also attends the classes. She was very nervous and did a great job. At the start she had problems getting the speakers working and the sound loud enough. A woman behind me was getting quite pissed off about this and boy, could I feel her grumpiness! Again, rather than it pushing my buttons I wondered what was going on for her and didn't let it affect me.

One friend yesterday was telling me what a great job I am doing with my mum. I replied that it was going well because she is pretty easy to look after and my friend replied that I created that by the way I treat her. Hadn't thought of it in that way before but the happier I have been the easier she has too.