Robin In Carolina

[daniela iaela moldovan]

I like your point here Robin, I didn't think at it like this before, as far as the eating as you've said I am at the point where I eat only because I need to survive, for me eating it's a burden not because I hate cooking but because I view it like a waste of time , in fact more of the arguing that I have with my partner are for food I can't stand that he is making such a drama when he doesn't have everything like he wants too, I am not saying that I approve or I will approve his way of acting or his way of pretending things but I wonder if by changing my view , my attitude toward food his energy will also shift. This two things are so interconnected. Practically I don't like and don't enjoy eating and for him it is the contrary ............
so now I have something to work on, changing my attitude toward food, seeing it not just like a mean to survival and a waste of time but also like an enjoyable activity.
Thank you too Robin.

I have also been tapping the health beauty and fitness. I remembered when I was thinner and more fit, I viewed eating as a means to survive and not as a recreational activity. I had a fruit shake for breakfast two mornings in a row now. Not my usual grits with cheese and eggs.

Yay for me!

---

Thank you Erika,
I am not staying so much on computer lately and I don't like to write(Robin knows this) that's why I am not showing up so much here, I'll make my best to be more present.

Daniela, thanks for chiming in. What a beautiful description of "letting go" and surrender in your relationship! Nice share

[Robinincarolina]

Boy, when Erika says sometimes things get worse before they get better, that is no joke. This post may be a bit rambling, but here goes.

I mentioned my money has dropped, a lot. Yesterday it bottomed out, though only temporary, still it was a shocker.

The IRS issues that I thought were worked out came back and bit me. They had put a levy on my clickbank account back in September. Some may remember they took my $23 dollar check instead of my big one.

This past Wednesday, I did not get paid by clickbank. Note this is also the account where the products I promote aren't holding congruent with the path I seem to be taking. Anyway, I mailed clickbank regarding this and my answer "The honored the levy and sent my money to the IRS. This was a mistake as the irs had sent a release. That money is gone.

So I thought, well I have money in paypal as well. I logged on and low and behold, my account was locked down. WTF? I had applied for their debit card and they couldn't verify my address and social. It could be 15 days before this is resolved.

I spoke with Erika and she suggested guilt. Boy oh boy again. I tapped on this and here is where it gets crazy. If I post this elsewhere, I might be considered wack-a-doodle, but I think my friends here will get this.

I am getting an inheritance from my mom. Not a ton of money, but about the same sum as the paypal, clickbank and IRS. My mom has always always had to have the last word. Her dying on Christmas day felt to me like her again having the last word. She and I were in a codependent relationship most of my life, until the last few years when I had managed to break away.

So, here is my thought as crazy as it is. My Mom is still trying to have me depend on her. That money is tied up, but my first thought was, it would relieve this financial burden. I actually feel like it's her causing all this chaos in order to have me depend on her one last time.

As crazy as that sounds, that is where I am at today and that is where I will start. Have no clue what it all means yet, but I am working on it.

Do I feel guilt around my Mother, you bet.

As far as my relationship that is shifting all around, back and forth. I tapped on Erika's video yesterday about asking for what you want and hearing no. The part about listening to the no and the whys hit home. I wasn't listening to my partner when it felt like he was working against me.

Still not clear on this issue either, but last night, he tapped with me! The only thing that is clear regarding my relationship right now is that I still have something to learn here and that if I just move on, I will miss a valuable lesson in the makings. It is also likely to resurface again in my next relationship, so for now, I stay.

[Erika Awakening]

Robin,

I get a big gigantic YES that it's about your mother. The Universe gives us these challenges as opportunities to clear these issues.

So anger at your mother and guilt about the relationship.

And I'm glad he's tapping with you

[Robinincarolina]

Well two days after I posted the above, Barbara from My Mom's estate called me and told me money was on it's way. It was deposited into my account that day. Strange that she had told me at first it would take a few days, then told me, no it was going to be weeks, maybe longer, then ta da, it was there. I had tapped very specifically for the guilt I felt with my mom!

I still have work to do in this area, no doubt. I often find that I just push it to the back of my mind when I think of her death. I am aware I have to stop doing this. The day before she dies I had promised I would be back to talk to her about all that she was so worried about, My mom worried about everything. I never got to! I still feel like she is punishing me, no doubt. Crazy stuff.

I am still very much in a bit of an upheaval state, but at peace with it all it. Lots of technical issues seem to be coming up for me. When I was tapping the videos on guilt this morning, my internet kept going up and down and this never happens. I have the highest speed available here.

Then there was my autoresponder last week. I pulled my hair out for two days and no matter what I did my links would not click through. Today, first I spoke to Alex here, then went back on and again, ta da it worked and I did nothing at all different that what I was doing last week.

A few weeks ago I was also very much in turmoil over my relationship and my boyfriend not being on the same path as I. I still have many thoughts around this, but I have let it go for now. It's the answer I have been given.

One thing that has become clear to me in the personal power challenge is that I am in control of my power. I am in control as to how happy I am, not my boyfriend or any other. Funny when I just decided to be happy exactly where I am at, my perception shifted with him a bit.

This morning when I drove him into work, I saw rows and rows of pipe. As in thousands of pipes! It dawned on me that he made every single one. Now pipe does bore the hell out of me no doubt, I confess and I find it hard to get excited about cement pipe. This morning though it actually looked beautiful to me. I think I was seeing it through his eyes.

I was also comforted that this trip I make every morning will be done in less than a month and many adventures are waiting for me there.

That's a bit of a ramble up there I know. I have more so I will be back later!

Robin

[Erika Awakening]

Thanks for sharing, Robin. Yes I find time and time again that the issues I try to "ignore" just come and bite me in the ass. Which is why I'm so committed to facing everything directly. Example being that right before Fritz got sick, I could feel "mother healing" issues looming and I didn't want to deal with it. So what does the Universe do - it gives me a magnificent opportunity to clear a massive amount of old grief and guilt by putting him in the hospital !

When these money and tech glitches show up, now I see them as "puzzles" to solve. They always carry a message, and once the message has been heard and cleared, the problem disappears. Feels like you are starting to get into that rhythm with all this ... glad to see you posting here

For those who don't have it yet, the 30-Day End Guilt & Self-Punishment Challenge of which Robin speaks is here: http://tapsmarter.com/guilt

[Annbros]

Robin this is fascinating and a great learning. I love the way you are so open about what is going on and I think you are just enlightened and not at all wacko!!

[elaineenlightening]

I sure appreciate you sharing Robin. I am rejoicing with you about your breakthroughs. I am still working my way through the "End of Guilt and Self Punishment Challenge" WOW!

Keep us posted about your continued journey.

[Robinincarolina]

Well then here is some more ramblings from me then today.

First my confession. I haven't been tapping everyday until recently. It seemed that every time I tapped my head would explode in the evenings with ideas. It was so overwhelming. Thing is though, I have been a bit stuck for months especially where money is concerned.

So that being said, I have over the last few days stepped it up. Yesterday I didn't feel good at all so I took my laptop to bed and tapped on the guilt and self punishment videos almost all the way through. The theme throughout it all was obvious. My forum and my purpose there for starters.

This past weekend, I had downloaded some music from female vocalist, mostly country. Last night I listened to the cd that I had recorded. Turns out it was songs about lost love, heartache where the vocalist sang with such passion. I could feel the pain, not only of what the songs were saying and the passion conveyed, but of the ladies that are suffering so needlessly on my forum. I wept.

My purpose became very clear, but the way to get to it, not so much. Erika can testify that the resistance there with those ladies is very very great. To be blunt, most of the ladies there after Erika attempted to open to them was one of great dislike. Lots of people were triggered. They called her egotistical.

I am beginning to understand that Erika's ways are the opposite of this. If it were from a place of ego, she would have tip toed in out of fear of what these ladies here would think of her. I get it, they don't.

Now I see where my ego does just that often. I tip toe. I am angry at myself for doing this. Even in the video I shared in the facebook group, I refered to Erika as a crazy lady and controversial. That was my ego. My ego scared that they wouldn't listen to what I had to say because of previous judgements that were made by others regarding Erika. That is not standing in my truth and this is something that stops now with me.

Another thing that is coming up is also brought up in the facebook group about people flaking. Not keeping commitments. Not posting on this forum. My ladies forum has no issue with posting, it is always alive, but my pajama affiliate group, well most of them just stand in the shadow and watch if they do that.

Those that are active have mailed me thinking of leaving for the lack of teamwork that is there. There is a handful that are active and supportive. The rest seem to be only out for self. Again, I have a vision of how I want it to be, but am unclear how to get there. How to make them see that sharing with one another can be win win and does not put them in competition with one another.

This has to be related to my boundaries or lack of them and this is where I need to focus as I tap.

As one we can accomplish much, as a group we can accomplish everything.

[Erika Awakening]

Hi Robin,

Thanks for sharing. No worries. Often the most brilliant ideas begin cloudy like this, and as we tap through our inner conflicts ... everything becomes clear.

I still have strong intuition about going back on your forum with your blessing this time to be very tough love. It just hasn't been the right time yet. A lot is percolating right now and I have a feeling very soon it is all going to blossom. Glad to hear about your shifts though, they need someone strong enough to stand up to them. That's the only way they are going to get out of the self-made hell they are in.

[Robinincarolina]

No it isn't the right time yet Erika, but it is coming. It seems I get into conflict after conflict there lately and have been misunderstood. I cringe at saying they don't understand me, because I know that stems from feeling separate.

They don't do well with tough love there, though I have seen some improvements in the last couple of weeks. I think we will know when the time is right. I know we will.