A breakthrough

[Erika Awakening]

hmm, I thought it was interesting actually ...

[Ivan]

ok, so I haven't update thins thread in a while. The reason is because I barely had any time alone. This girl is staying at my place and I spent most of my time with her.

I must say that this has been a VERY interesting experience. I did not know how this is gonna be when I invited her to stay. I still had a lot of negativity towards her and I was not sure if I would keep my promise of " changing my emotional habits".

I must say that this has turned out much better than I expected! At first she was extremely stressed, because of her thesis. We had lots of negativity between us and I even shut down emotionally.

Then she decided to extend her deadline she set for herself and we decided she should prolong her visit with me. This way one week got into two weeks.

In the meanwhile, I still did not feel fully positive when being intimate with her, but I figured this is something I needed to overcome and explore because this did not only happen with her.

We went from being negative towards each other, to becoming very close as friends to even being passionate with each other (although that part is still evolving and I'm not pushing it into this direction). I don't even get bothered by small things that used to annoy me (like her being late and stuff).

The cool thing is that being intimate feels much better with her now, and most of the negativity has subsided. I feel like my emotions that I have shut down over the last few years are slowly 'waking up'.

These two weeks seem like it has been two years, because we went though different stages of a relationship in such a short time.

Actually, I am very surprised at my ability to maintain a relationship like this. I am able to express myself, to communicate my needs properly and to stay calm most of the time!

She even told me that I have this amazing ability to express myself and that she feels "protected" when she is with me (which for a guy, is one of the coolest compliments he can get from a woman, at least for me, since I never believed I would be like this).

So, all in all a great experience. I'm curious how this is gonna evolve when she moves to Paris. Also, it is definitely a non-exclusive relationship and I am going to keep meeting other women but I'm definitely open to continuing my connection with this girl and see where it leads me.

I noticed that being in the moment without putting frame on yourself and the relationship makes it sooo much easier.

Updates will follow.

Ivan

[Erika Awakening]

Awesome, Ivan. Thanks for sharing. I love how in the moment you are about it

[Ivan]

Ok, she left a few hours ago. wow , what an interesting experience! I feel a lot of inspiration!

I realized that I was missing out on so much life-quality! I decided not to listen to what the society and other people tell me to do, but will go my own way. I need to forget about everything and enjoy life. Ok, I still have to work, but until recently I was coming home and working on my business. It did bring me further, but made my life quite miserable. Now I need a reboot. I real one! No more pressure from myself, no more pressure from the people in my network company. Even no more pressure from my employer. Just going for the best I can be and enjoying the adventure of life. And then the right inspiration for money will come my way!

Time for some creativity and adventure!

cheers,
Ivan

[Erika Awakening]

Love this Ivan. It's time for all of us to break free from our old habits ...

[elaineenlightening]

Ivan, you are certainly making great strides in your awareness and owning your power.

[Ivan]

Thank Erika, thanks Elaine,

yes, there is definitely progress. Now I have to find a way how to catch the wave and STAY on it . Also figure out how to combine my dating life with my work AND trying to build a business on the side. So far it seems very hard, or am I having a limiting belief over here?

[Ivan]

Ok, time to revive this thread! To be honest I was kinda scared writing this on the public forum since the persons I am writing about here might see it too, but I have to face that fear and put it in the open!

Since a few weeks I am seeing a new girl. She is very sweet (as opposed to the last one) and cute and really my type!

However, not everything is perfect. Something is off about it. I really like her, but there is something missing. And to be honest, I think it is the fact that I've been focusing so much on my freedom with women, that a monogamous relationship seems a bit restrictive. She is not very sexually experienced and I think that introducing the notion of a non-monogamous relationship would not be helpful at this time. Moreover, I really don't have time to see other women now.

also, I'm coping with a bunch of other weird emotions. Can't really explain it. On one hand I'm happy to have her, but on the other hand I'm sad for some reason. Definitely need to explore this in more depth.

So, lots of stuff to explore here. I need new ways, new perspectives, new realities.

To be continued.

[Ivan]

ok, I think I know what it is. This girl is just so sexually holding back. Although we do all the stuff, I feel like she is withdrawing herself. I was looking for a juicy sexual relationship, but she is not the type of girl for that apparently. She even told me she likes for things to go slow. I think that this is what's bothering me. Let's see how this continues.

[Erika Awakening]

The question always is - "what am I not bringing to this relationship?"