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Hitting Rock Bottom
03-23-2013, 09:14 PM,
#1
Hitting Rock Bottom
Now it's not just shame and self-hatred ... now it's full-on hitting rock bottom. Seeing no way for things to work out.

I'd share more but I don't really even know what to say right now ...

Just being transparent anyway so everyone knows I'm not perfect and there's no point pretending to be perfect.

Heart
- Erika Awakening, Founder of Holistic Belief Reprogramming, an Advanced version of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping)

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03-24-2013, 10:46 AM,
#2
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
I do understand that some people may be alarmed when I post stuff like this. Please understand it's part of the process of real transformation. Real transformation is what most of us are desperately trying to avoid, and my ego sure as hell is putting up its best rebellion right now.

Right now I am questioning everything that my "reality" has been built on the past few years - the hamster wheels of money and eating, how I live, where I live, why I'm here, and nothing that I have previously believed is making any sense any more. Many people would consider this "bad" or "scary" or [insert ego judgment here].

But remember ... if you keep living the way you've always been living, and thinking the way you've always been thinking, there is no room for anything new to happen. So when everything you thought you knew is being stripped away, well, perhaps that transformation is coming after all.

As Rainer Maria Rilke put it:

If we only arrange our life in accordance with the principle which tells us that we must always trust in the difficult, then what now appears to us as the most alien will become our most intimate and trusted experience. How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.

So you mustn't be frightened, dear Mr. Kappus, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety - like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in the palm of its hand and will not let you fall.

Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don't know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.
- Erika Awakening, Founder of Holistic Belief Reprogramming, an Advanced version of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping)

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03-24-2013, 11:39 AM,
#3
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
One of my daughters favorite authors. This is the one thing that I truly appreciate about you - being that living example of how to deal with stuff head on while delving the depths. Something that actually makes me ill in the 'new age' circles is the avoidance of getting messy and showing how it's done. Acceptance of the totality of who I am has been a key reminder as of late.
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03-24-2013, 09:32 PM,
#4
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
Thanks Amethyst. Yeah I really value authenticity, and I also value the messages we can get being authentic about our dark side. There's so much pretending in this world and it's such a relief to step aside from all that and just be real.

Now I'm in a really weird-feeling space of questioning absolutely everything. Like a total novice again. Finding new inner conflicts about money and relationships and physical appearance and ... well, everything.

I'm also learning something about confidence that I am not going to quite be able to articulate yet. It's the realization that so much of what we perceive as "confidence" relies on something external. Like "I'm really good at this so now I can feel confident." Or "I'm really beautiful so now I can feel confident." And as all those beliefs are being stripped away, I feel NAKED and ... NOT confident.

And yet, I'm starting to see a gift in this. Perhaps there is a new confidence emerging. Something more vulnerable and naked and defenseless. I'm not sure yet. It does feel like I'll be learning new ways of navigating cuz all the old is falling away on me ...

Heart
- Erika Awakening, Founder of Holistic Belief Reprogramming, an Advanced version of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping)

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03-24-2013, 10:31 PM,
#5
Shocked  RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
While reading this I felt this heaviness , Thanks, I love you and wish you the best. I know it's not needed though : )
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03-25-2013, 03:16 AM,
#6
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
Something I have pondered lately is how so many say they shut the negative people out of their lives. Oh I am sure most of you have seen it all over facebook. The "I don't have time for negative people", blah blah blah. The post is rather negative if you ask me.

I guess my question is if you shut out all the negative, how will you ever really learn? I think there is much to be learned by the conflicts and contrasts in our lives, very much.
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03-25-2013, 07:24 AM,
#7
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
Good question, Robin. There's a decent argument to be made for "Embrace everything and listen to what it is teaching you about yourself."

One of the things I am getting in touch with is my tendency to "push away" in various forms that the ego would like to keep hidden from me.... under that is the core fear that everyone has that most people are not in touch with ... fear of love.
- Erika Awakening, Founder of Holistic Belief Reprogramming, an Advanced version of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping)

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03-25-2013, 11:02 AM,
#8
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
Holy fuck, the fear that is arising ... it really feels like flying into the Death Star lol.

"I place the future in the hands of God."

Heart
- Erika Awakening, Founder of Holistic Belief Reprogramming, an Advanced version of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping)

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03-25-2013, 11:19 AM,
#9
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
(03-25-2013, 03:16 AM)Robinincarolina Wrote: Something I have pondered lately is how so many say they shut the negative people out of their lives. Oh I am sure most of you have seen it all over facebook. The "I don't have time for negative people", blah blah blah. The post is rather negative if you ask me.

I guess my question is if you shut out all the negative, how will you ever really learn? I think there is much to be learned by the conflicts and contrasts in our lives, very much.

I don't see this post as negative. It's all in how you frame things. I got an epiphany the other day from a girl who was walking away while I was talking to her.. Because I chose to see it from a different perspective, I learned and grew.

Some people and things are habitually negative and need to be shut out.. Like this guy who was at Project Hollywood that kept on PM'ing me while drunk with this pickup artist batting average BS "You take pictures with lots of girls but how many of them do you f***" .. after the 2nd time he did that I blocked him. because I got tired of seeing the same shit over and over.

Other things have value and can be learned from. Yesterday I kind of threw myself into the lion's den and ended up being ok and I learned a lot from it Smile and boy it was a very negative experience I can tell you that LOL. (at least the feelings and everything during it)
AR @}-,-`--
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03-25-2013, 12:05 PM, (This post was last modified: 03-25-2013, 12:06 PM by Erika Awakening.)
#10
RE: Hitting Rock Bottom
The real challenge is to see that everything has value and can be learned from. And the more we want to shut it out as having "no value," probably the more likely we need to learn from it ... Heart

See this blog about it: http://postfeminine.com/resolving-conflicts
- Erika Awakening, Founder of Holistic Belief Reprogramming, an Advanced version of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping)

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